{"id":196,"date":"2021-03-29T10:36:51","date_gmt":"2021-03-29T10:36:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/chapter\/3-three-kinds-of-friendship-corresponding-to-the-three-motives-perfect-friendship-is-that-whose-motive-is-the-good\/"},"modified":"2025-07-01T15:47:25","modified_gmt":"2025-07-01T15:47:25","slug":"3-three-kinds-of-friendship","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/chapter\/3-three-kinds-of-friendship\/","title":{"rendered":"Section 3: Three kinds of friendship: the useful, the enjoyable, and the true"},"content":{"raw":"
\r\n\r\nNow the qualities we love, [namely, the useful, the pleasurable, and the good,] differ from each other in kind. So do the corresponding forms of love and friendship. There are therefore three kinds of friendship, equal in number to the lovable qualities. For with respect to each kind of quality there is a mutually recognized love, and those who love each other wish well to each other in that respect in which they love one another.\r\n\r\nNow those who love each other for their usefulness do not love each other for themselves but because of something good they get from each other. So too with those who love for the sake of pleasure or enjoyment. We don't love people who make us laugh because of their moral character, for example, but because we find them enjoyable and fun to be around. Therefore, those who love for the sake of usefulness love for the sake of what is good for themselves, and those who love for the sake of pleasure love for the sake of what is pleasant or enjoyable to themselves. Their friendship isn't based on being a friend, but instead on being useful or being enjoyable.\r\n\r\nThus, these friendships of utility and of pleasure are coincidental or by happenstance. For the love is not based on who the friend is, but on some good or pleasure they bring with them. Such friendships, then, are easily dissolved, if the friends don't remain like one another. For if they are no longer pleasant or useful to one another, they stop being friends.\r\n

Friendships of utility<\/h3>\r\nNow what is useful is not permanent but is always changing. Thus when the reason for the friendship goes away, the friendship is dissolved, since it existed for the reason in question. The utility kind of friendship seems to exist between old people most of all, since at that age people tend to pursue not so much what is enjoyable but what is useful. But it also exists among people who are in the prime of life or young that pursue what is useful. And such people do not live much of their lives with each other either, since sometimes they don't even find each other pleasant. So they do not need such companionship unless they are useful to each other. For they enjoy each other's company insofar as they bring each other hopes of something good to come. Among such friendships people also class the friendship of a host and guest.\r\n

Friendships of pleasure<\/h3>\r\nIn contrast, the friendship of young people often seems to aim at pleasure or having fun. For they live under the guidance of emotion and pursue most of all what they enjoy and what is immediately before them. But as they get older, what they enjoy changes. This is why they often quickly become friends and quickly cease to be friends. Their friendship changes with what they find pleasant or enjoyable, and such pleasure changes quickly.\r\n\r\nYoung people are also more prone to romantic desire and falling in love. This is because friendships based on romantic desire in large part depend on emotion and aim at pleasure. And this is why they fall in love and quickly fall out of love, changing often within a single day. But these people do wish to spend their days and lives together, since that's how what is in accord with this kind of friendship comes to them.\r\n

True or Complete Friendship<\/h3>\r\nComplete friendship, however, is the friendship of people who are good and alike in virtue. For they are themselves good and wish what's good to each other in a similar way--they wish to each other what will make them good.\r\n\r\nNow those who wish well to their friends for their friends sake are most truly friends. They are friends because of themselves, and not because of coincidence or by happenstance. Therefore, their friendship lasts as long as they are good--and goodness is an enduring thing.\r\n\r\nAnd each is unconditionally good to his friend, for the good are both unconditionally good and useful to each other. They are also pleasant. For good people are pleasant both unconditionally and to each other, since to each person his own activities and others like them are enjoyable, and the actions of good people are the same or similar.\r\n\r\nAnd such a friendship is as might be expected permanent, since all the qualities that friends should have come together in it. For every sort of friendship exists for the sake of what's good or of what's pleasurable--whether unconditional good or pleasure, or good or pleasure for the person loving--and is based on a certain likeness between the friends. And to a complete friendship all the qualities we have named belong, because of the friends themselves. For in the case of this kind of friendship the other qualities also are alike in both friends, and that which is unconditionally good is also unconditionally pleasant, and these are the most lovable qualities. Love and friendship therefore are found most and in their best form between such people.\r\n\r\nBut it is natural that such complete friendships should be rare. For such people are rare. Further, such friendship requires time and familiarity. People cannot know each other well until, as the proverb says, they have \"eaten salt together.\" Nor can they accept each other or be friends until each appears lovable to and has gained the trust of the other. Those who quickly show the marks of friendship to each other wish to be friends. But they are not friends unless they are both lovable and know this. For a wish for a friendship may arise quickly, but friendship does not.\r\n\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"
\n

Now the qualities we love, [namely, the useful, the pleasurable, and the good,] differ from each other in kind. So do the corresponding forms of love and friendship. There are therefore three kinds of friendship, equal in number to the lovable qualities. For with respect to each kind of quality there is a mutually recognized love, and those who love each other wish well to each other in that respect in which they love one another.<\/p>\n

Now those who love each other for their usefulness do not love each other for themselves but because of something good they get from each other. So too with those who love for the sake of pleasure or enjoyment. We don’t love people who make us laugh because of their moral character, for example, but because we find them enjoyable and fun to be around. Therefore, those who love for the sake of usefulness love for the sake of what is good for themselves, and those who love for the sake of pleasure love for the sake of what is pleasant or enjoyable to themselves. Their friendship isn’t based on being a friend, but instead on being useful or being enjoyable.<\/p>\n

Thus, these friendships of utility and of pleasure are coincidental or by happenstance. For the love is not based on who the friend is, but on some good or pleasure they bring with them. Such friendships, then, are easily dissolved, if the friends don’t remain like one another. For if they are no longer pleasant or useful to one another, they stop being friends.<\/p>\n

Friendships of utility<\/h3>\n

Now what is useful is not permanent but is always changing. Thus when the reason for the friendship goes away, the friendship is dissolved, since it existed for the reason in question. The utility kind of friendship seems to exist between old people most of all, since at that age people tend to pursue not so much what is enjoyable but what is useful. But it also exists among people who are in the prime of life or young that pursue what is useful. And such people do not live much of their lives with each other either, since sometimes they don’t even find each other pleasant. So they do not need such companionship unless they are useful to each other. For they enjoy each other’s company insofar as they bring each other hopes of something good to come. Among such friendships people also class the friendship of a host and guest.<\/p>\n

Friendships of pleasure<\/h3>\n

In contrast, the friendship of young people often seems to aim at pleasure or having fun. For they live under the guidance of emotion and pursue most of all what they enjoy and what is immediately before them. But as they get older, what they enjoy changes. This is why they often quickly become friends and quickly cease to be friends. Their friendship changes with what they find pleasant or enjoyable, and such pleasure changes quickly.<\/p>\n

Young people are also more prone to romantic desire and falling in love. This is because friendships based on romantic desire in large part depend on emotion and aim at pleasure. And this is why they fall in love and quickly fall out of love, changing often within a single day. But these people do wish to spend their days and lives together, since that’s how what is in accord with this kind of friendship comes to them.<\/p>\n

True or Complete Friendship<\/h3>\n

Complete friendship, however, is the friendship of people who are good and alike in virtue. For they are themselves good and wish what’s good to each other in a similar way–they wish to each other what will make them good.<\/p>\n

Now those who wish well to their friends for their friends sake are most truly friends. They are friends because of themselves, and not because of coincidence or by happenstance. Therefore, their friendship lasts as long as they are good–and goodness is an enduring thing.<\/p>\n

And each is unconditionally good to his friend, for the good are both unconditionally good and useful to each other. They are also pleasant. For good people are pleasant both unconditionally and to each other, since to each person his own activities and others like them are enjoyable, and the actions of good people are the same or similar.<\/p>\n

And such a friendship is as might be expected permanent, since all the qualities that friends should have come together in it. For every sort of friendship exists for the sake of what’s good or of what’s pleasurable–whether unconditional good or pleasure, or good or pleasure for the person loving–and is based on a certain likeness between the friends. And to a complete friendship all the qualities we have named belong, because of the friends themselves. For in the case of this kind of friendship the other qualities also are alike in both friends, and that which is unconditionally good is also unconditionally pleasant, and these are the most lovable qualities. Love and friendship therefore are found most and in their best form between such people.<\/p>\n

But it is natural that such complete friendships should be rare. For such people are rare. Further, such friendship requires time and familiarity. People cannot know each other well until, as the proverb says, they have “eaten salt together.” Nor can they accept each other or be friends until each appears lovable to and has gained the trust of the other. Those who quickly show the marks of friendship to each other wish to be friends. But they are not friends unless they are both lovable and know this. For a wish for a friendship may arise quickly, but friendship does not.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":249,"menu_order":16,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[48],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-196","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry","chapter-type-numberless"],"part":191,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/249"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/196\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":625,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/196\/revisions\/625"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/191"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/196\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=196"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=196"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.ulib.csuohio.edu\/nicomacheanethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}