Section 12: Various forms of friendship between family members

Every form of friendship, then, involves community, as has been said. One might, however, mark off from the rest both the friendship of family relations and that of companions. Those friendships of fellow-citizens, fellow-tribesmen, fellow-voyagers, and the like are more like mere communal friendships. For they seem to rest on a sort of compact. With them we might class _[15] the friendship of host and guest.

The friendship of family members, while it seems to be of many kinds, appears to depend in every case on parental friendship. For parents love their children as being a part of themselves, and children their parents as being something originating from them. Now (1) parents know their children better than their children know that they fare their children, _[20] and (2) the originator feels his offspring to be his own more than the offspring do their begetter. For the product belongs to the producer (for example, a tooth or hair or anything else to him whose it is), but the producer does not belong to the product, or belongs to a lesser degree. And (3) the length of time produces the same result: Parents love their children as soon as these are born, but children love their parents only after time has elapsed _[25] and they have acquired understanding or the power of discrimination by the senses. From these considerations it is also plain why typically mothers love their children more than fathers do.

Parents, then, love their children as themselves. For their children are a sort of other selves because of separate existence. Children, in contrast, love their parents as being born of them. Siblings love each other as being born of the same parents. _[30] For their sameness with their parents makes them have a sameness with each other, which is the reason why people talk of “the same blood,” ‘of the same stock,” and so on. They are, therefore, in a sense the same thing, although in separate individuals.

Common upbringing and similarity of age are two things that contribute greatly to friendship. For “two of an age take to each other,” and people brought up together tend to be companions. Hence the friendship of brothers is akin to that of companions. _[35] And cousins and other extended family members are bound up together _[1162a1] like brothers, by being derived from the same grandparents or other ancestors. They come to be closer together or farther apart because of the nearness or distance of the original ancestor.

The friendship of children toward parents, and of human beings toward gods, is a relationship toward the good and superior. _[5] For these have conferred the greatest benefits, since they are the causes of their being and of their nourishment, and of their education from birth. And this kind of friendship has enjoyment and usefulness also, more than that of strangers, inasmuch as their life is lived more in common.

The friendship of siblings has the characteristics found in that of companions, especially when the people involved _[10] are good and in general like one another, inasmuch as they belong more to each other and start with a love for each other from their very birth, and inasmuch as those born of the same parents and brought up together and similarly educated are more alike in character. And the test of time has been applied most fully and convincingly in their case.

Between other relatives, friendly relations are found _[15] in due proportion.

Between husband and wife, friendship seems to exist by nature, since humans are naturally inclined to form couples–even more than they are to form cities, inasmuch as the household is earlier and more necessary than the city, and reproduction is more common to humans along with other animals. With the other animals the union extends only to reproduction, but human beings live together not only _[20] for the sake of reproduction but also for the various purposes of life. For from the start the functions are divided, and those of husband and wife are different. So they help each other by throwing their peculiar gifts into the common pool. It is for these reasons that both usefulness and pleasure seem to be found in this kind of friendship. But this friendship may be based also on virtue, _[25] if the people involved are good. For each has their own virtue and they will delight in that fact. And children seem to be a bond of union, which is the reason why childless couples part more easily. For children are a good common to both and what is common holds them together.

How husband and wife, and in general friend and friend, ought mutually to behave seems to be _[30] the same question as how it is just for them to behave. For a person does not seem to have the same duties to a friend, a stranger, a companion, and a classmate.